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[28 Nov 2005|03:53pm] |
Im done being the third wheel
I love the feeling of the end of something
especially when things go so wrong. so wrong
this is for you...
feelings are gay, and I cant take anymore of "I feel this way" "I feel that way" Its fucking dumb, you dont need to tell everybody how your fucking feeling all the fucking time.
and THIS ONE IS FOR you...
paige you wanted to start over, and Im down for that.
lets do it.
lets start over, its the best thing for all of us.
time to take a break
Im talking to michelle and jenna again, idk if I am with tara or not... idk I dont.
leave me comments I like comments.
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[20 Nov 2005|06:54pm] |
Yeah...
this is for you tara.
Ummm, i dont really know what to say. We've really done it this time, we hate each other now. Tara, I remember two summers ago when we hung out like everyday, you me and mike... Exploring in the woods, finding those caves. Remember when we thought wed die if we lit a match in the cave, cuz of the methane from the old gas station? Good times.
Well hey, I guess the only thing I need to say is that I Said somethings I shouldnt have and so did you. Im not looking for an apology or Im not looking to give you one either. The only thing Im going to apologize for is telling you to cut yourself and die. I know Ive said it before, and I know how that went over with you, and trisha, nvm fuck trisha, I know how it tore us appart, and I know how it hurt you. Thats why I said it, not cuz I actually want you to do it. Just because I was hurting so much, that you dont know how far away from the bridge I was on that one, specially knowing that there are people out there that would see me die. I wanted to help you see how much I hurt, it didnt work, it made you pissed... and thats not what I was going for...
So whats going on now, we let a girl tear us appart? I reread my yearbook and realize ive got some work to do to get back some of the greatest relationships ive ever had. Before anything started happening with everybody before you even met jamie. before you even met trish, there was us. You said yourself you thought that I was one of your closest friends. Its stupid to fight over a girl. Specially when the choice has been made, it was pointless to destroy what we had back in the day. I guess its too late now. It took the end of a friendship to realize that you
and that michelle
were the best friends ive had in a long time.
since then weve both met soo many different people and we just... stopped hanging out. That was our first mistake, and certainly not our last.
You were wrong... I was wrong, and instead of talking about it, we just flipped out and took the worst possible way to go about things. It wouldnt have had to happen like that if I didnt start it first, I know I did. I know I started it. I shouldve talked to you, instead of dakota.
fuck everything...
from now on if I have a problem (and this goes with everybody) I will tell YOU, and I wont let someone else do it for me even if I didnt want them to.
Like I said Im not looking to start up a new friendship unless its mutual.
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[15 Nov 2005|11:24pm] |
this is paige. and all I have to say... is pretty much that luke is awesome. ne one who thinks differently needs to get checked out my a professional. Because. luke. is. an. awesome. guy. and I <3 him muchisimo!!!
so fuck you to anyone who thinks anything other than awesome about him.
and screw you to those who dont see the world in him.
he is ten times gr8er than you'll ever be :)
and that my friends. . .is the truth.
so slut it up and deal!
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[04 Nov 2005|03:21pm] |
I hurt so bad
but I like it
it feels like its been so long
but id wait forever
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[04 Nov 2005|01:44pm] |
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Nother poem...
same as last time.
Im just plan B
Only good when plan A fails
Dormant til you need me
Bring me back
And use me
Take me for granted and shut the door in my face
I love you
You hate me
Im sorry it couldn't be anything more
You made your choice and now Im alone
Cold and alone
So long and farewell sweet angel
Glad I put that smile on your face one last time.
Stop the tape and rewind to the beginning
What went wrong?
I mean, I really thought/hoped you liked me.
I guess like any other time
I was wrong, and Im sorry
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[01 Nov 2005|09:50pm] |
Hey, I wrote this...
tell me what you think..
oh you got me again
you pulled the trigger
loud bang and a broken heart
the bloods rushing
I think Im dying
fuck this and fuck you
you fucking cunt
take your gun and run away
I want nothing to do with you
you trigger happy bitch
By the time the bullet hits its target
I would have all ready forgotten you
Drop down to my knees and bleed
so weak and so white
Im struggling to breath
Falling to the floor
Im cold
and tired,
I think Ill rest for a while
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[27 Oct 2005|02:49pm] |
I feel like fucking shit...
a worthless pile of shit
not only am I not good enough for you
Im not good enough to be alive.
You said you never wanted to hurt me.
it didnt hafta be this way. It didnt.
I could have saved you
and you could have saved me
Its too late for apologies, I just want to know
what happened...
I loved you, and no matter how much I tried...
you still didnt believe me.
If this is how its going to be let me know please.
Im so lost.
I dont understand what happened...
I lost you
I really hope its what you want
Ill always be here for you.
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[08 Oct 2005|04:41pm] |
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 apa-fucking-thetic |
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music |
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Bright eyes (believe it or not) - Haligh |
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You said you hate my suffering
And you understood
And you’d take care of me
You'd always be there
Well where are you now?
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[08 Sep 2005|12:47pm] |
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I think its wicked funny how I have "friends" who dont like to hang out with me...
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[06 Sep 2005|01:49pm] |
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music |
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Jack Johnson - Symbol in my dreams |
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Hey I havent updated in a while...
and it doesnt really matter.
Im sitting her ein the library in dexter, cuz my internet got turned off or something, yeah, my dads trying to prove a point or something I guess, soo yeah. Ive been sitting at home.
Thinking a lot about a lot of stuff. And I got to know myself a little better and I dont think I like that at all. I hope that the reason why everybodys been so quiet and everythings been so dry, and slow is because of college and it starting....
College isnt too bad, Ive all ready met a few new people, and Ive got great teachers and shit. The reason why Ive been so bored lately is because I have a monday wednesday friday schedule and I have tuesdays and thursdays off... which is cool.. I see a lot of people in college, a lot more than I was expecting, but hey, that could be cause I know sooo many people my own age, Ive seen a few people that I used to work at mcdonalds with, and some guy, randomly came up and started talking to me like he knew me, weird... I like college, I like seeing people thatve all ready graduated, and its weird, but it seems like all the boundaries of high school have been broken down and destroyed.
but later today I have to write a two page autobiography... that should be interesting I guess... I may post it on my livejournal if any of you are interested in my life and how things are and how things have been. Hmmmm
I hope the mexican pulls through for me today, Its been since last thursday and its getting rediculous, Ive tried and tried....
If anyone of you know Tanner Murray, give me his number please. Because then I dont have to rely on just the mexican, I can have a back up plan. and thats allllllways good.. The first time in like two weeks Ive been on the computer, and no one is on, no one whatsoever, Im so bored...
thats prolly why Im updating.
But anyways...
Leave me comments and shit, and Ill talk to most of you later...
and those of you who I wont talk to later, thats your own fault. ;)
see ya.
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| Tara. |
[05 Jun 2005|11:18pm] |
shoobidydoowa (10:36:42 PM): im busy
shoobidydoowa (10:36:47 PM): theres nothing i can do luke
Neglected Empire (10:37:07 PM): you could listen to me, and tell me what you think I should do
Neglected Empire (10:38:15 PM): because I honestly have no idea what Im going to do.
shoobidydoowa (10:38:40 PM): what do you want to happen
Neglected Empire (10:39:04 PM): I dont nessicarily want to be her friend, I just want her to know how insanly bad I feel about saying that.
shoobidydoowa (10:40:11 PM): write her a note and give it to her in school becuase its the only way youll get through un interrupted
Neglected Empire (10:40:24 PM): she wont read it, shell rip it up in front of me.
shoobidydoowa (10:40:36 PM): dont talk to her though. shes parinoid your gonna say smart ass things to her tomarrow
Neglected Empire (10:41:12 PM): a note isnt any good then.
Neglected Empire (10:41:34 PM): Id actually like to pull her aside for a good...
Neglected Empire (10:41:43 PM): five minutes, sit down and talk to her.
Neglected Empire (10:41:54 PM): because notes are for pansy's and over the internet is worse
shoobidydoowa (10:42:02 PM): well shes not ognna listen to you
Neglected Empire (10:42:18 PM): then whats the point of writing a note?
Neglected Empire (10:42:27 PM): shes not going to listen to me, or anything I have to say.
Neglected Empire (10:43:31 PM): I could leave her a voice mail on her phone? she wouldnt really know it was me...
Neglected Empire (10:43:41 PM): at least not for a sec.
Neglected Empire (10:44:30 PM): lol Id even talk to her parents
Neglected Empire (10:44:57 PM): i dont know the purpose in that either though.
Neglected Empire (10:46:10 PM): give her a couple days to cool off even?
shoobidydoowa (10:46:52 PM): eh thats not a good idea
Neglected Empire (10:46:56 PM): which?
shoobidydoowa (10:47:54 PM): dont give her too much time to cool off
Neglected Empire (10:48:02 PM): whys that?
shoobidydoowa (10:48:36 PM): she'll get comfy with the idea you two arent speaking
Neglected Empire (10:48:51 PM): yeah, but thats happened to us before...
Neglected Empire (10:49:32 PM): and... just look at us now?...... point taken
Neglected Empire (10:50:31 PM): granted I love you so much right now...
Neglected Empire (10:50:40 PM): right now and since we started talking again
Neglected Empire (10:50:45 PM): because you took me back
Neglected Empire (10:50:53 PM): but, we arent the we we used to be...
shoobidydoowa (10:51:54 PM): people change
Neglected Empire (10:52:02 PM): true...
Neglected Empire (10:53:36 PM): so that parents idea bad too?
shoobidydoowa (10:53:52 PM): what would you tell them
Neglected Empire (10:54:01 PM): everything
Neglected Empire (10:54:15 PM): how we started fighting, even though I dont know
Neglected Empire (10:54:22 PM): how it escalated
Neglected Empire (10:54:28 PM): how come I want to apologize
Neglected Empire (10:54:32 PM): how I fee
Neglected Empire (10:54:33 PM): l
Neglected Empire (10:54:36 PM): how bad I feel
Neglected Empire (10:55:11 PM): I want to go to her house when shes not there but her parents are, and sit down and talk to either her mom or her dad about it.
Neglected Empire (10:55:59 PM): how she cuts herself, or used to, how she did it recently
Neglected Empire (10:56:04 PM): how it made all of her friends feel
Neglected Empire (10:56:06 PM): how it made me feel
shoobidydoowa (10:56:17 PM): its not about you luke
shoobidydoowa (10:56:18 PM): its about her
Neglected Empire (10:56:24 PM): yes... true
shoobidydoowa (10:56:26 PM): let her be. she wont get any worse. she knows better
shoobidydoowa (10:56:35 PM): when my parents found out about me i flipped out
Neglected Empire (10:56:38 PM): I cant just drop it
Neglected Empire (11:00:24 PM): I dont hafta tell her parents, but I cant just drop it.
shoobidydoowa (11:00:47 PM): telling her how you feel is just gonna make her pissed becuase you dont understand and she cant explain and thats frustrating
Neglected Empire (11:01:30 PM): you said its not about me, but I really dont expect her to explain it, I dont want her to.
Neglected Empire (11:01:56 PM): I want her to understand that Im about to throw up because of what I said.
shoobidydoowa (11:02:41 PM): good woring
shoobidydoowa (11:02:43 PM): wording
shoobidydoowa (11:02:45 PM): tell her that
Neglected Empire (11:02:50 PM): im definatly serious
Neglected Empire (11:03:33 PM): I cant tell her that though, thats most of my problem she wont let me
Neglected Empire (11:03:42 PM): no, thats not even half my problem
Neglected Empire (11:03:50 PM): thats part of it though
Neglected Empire (11:04:57 PM): wow...
Neglected Empire (11:06:51 PM): ...I was just thinking about everything, and almost started crying...
shoobidydoowa (11:07:05 PM): itll get better
shoobidydoowa (11:07:11 PM): its just another teenage fight
Neglected Empire (11:13:04 PM): Im gonna go
Neglected Empire (11:13:16 PM): thanks
shoobidydoowa (11:13:20 PM): goodluck
Neglected Empire (11:13:39 PM): I dont need luck, I need a clue
Neglected Empire (11:14:44 PM): thanks though, a little luck always helps, specially when all you have are Im sorries, and i dont know what to do's
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[04 Jun 2005|12:35am] |
nother quick friend cut, because I had some assholes on my list. if you can read this well I guess you might or might not be a friend because Im posting it to everyone, but whatever
some people arent on the list anymore.
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[21 May 2005|10:45am] |
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Hello drama, pleasant day huh. Seems the future and present is filled with you, no more care free dicking around, its always gotta be something doesnt it? Someone always has to do something to fuck up perfect harmony. Thanks, all you did was give me something to talk about.
Anyway, Bon fire at jamie's house last night, it was pretty cool. Hmmm, I guess, I havent really been doing a lot, but I have been hanging out with Michelle almost everyday, so thats pretty cool. And some other... things.
Tonights another fire I think... I think, we'll see. I hope I can go, and actaully stay the night somewhere... so I dont gotta come home when my dad wants me to. thats mean.
Yesturday was our short senior trip, a bunch of kids went to Sryacuse Zoo, and then the mall, but everybody else went to the mall then Darien Lake, booooring. Anyway, It was Holly, Steve, Michelle, Mike, Stephanie, myself, becca, and Tara. Good times, I threw like a whole box of hott wings out the window at them and it splattered on the windsheild, good times...
Tara has pics...
becca has pics...
and maybe michelle?
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[06 May 2005|09:06pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Aiden - Knife Blood Nightmare |
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Havent really updated in a while... not much going on tonight, Im bored, real bored. hmmm I think I Wanna do something. its nine at night, I wanna be outside, like all night, maybe a fire, or a walk... or something. Im so secluded, everyone went to the dance I didnt wanna go but maybe I should have. fuck. anyways... things have been ok I guess, slow week... real slow. Havent really done much of anything. Umm... Yeah, soooo... I don treally know what to say... or whatever.
so heres a good band... http://www.purevolume.com/aiden
check em out, I like em a lot.
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[15 Apr 2005|08:28pm] |
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aggravated |
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I have/had/or am getting mono...
Fucking drs. cant make up my fucking mind.
Sore throat, and Tired... spells trouble, but Im pissed at something, and need to forget about it.
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[15 Apr 2005|07:21am] |
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Ill actually update later.
lots of fun stuff though, lots.
its been great.
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